Week 11: NFL Picks

Old Timey Picks have given way to standard NFL Picks due to a loss of interest in the schtick.  Ah well, can’t take everything with ya.  In lieu of Old Timey verbage, I’ll provide the great Neil Young and Bruce Springsteen reinterpreting Willow Smith’s classic piece entitled “Whip My Hair”.

Thursday , Nov. 18

Bears at Dolphins (-1.5)

Due to the ROTUcast, I didn’t start writing this post until Friday morning, so I totally missed this one.  I won’t count it on my record, not that it will matter.  Regardless, Miami is in a world of hurt without it’s hanging Chads (political humor!  Zoinks!) and proved it last night as the Bears defense turned them into Chicken of the Sea.  Tuna joke!

Bears 16, Dolphins 0


Sunday , Nov. 21

Redskins at Titans (-7)

Washington was embarrassed on Monday night by the Eagles.  Absolutely humiliated.  Mike Shanahan won’t allow that to happen two weeks in a row.  I like Tennessee to win, but not by a touchdown margin.

Our pick:  Washington Redskins


Ravens (-10) at Panthers

This spread could be 30 and I’d still take Baltimore.  But could Flacco start giving the ball to Boldin again?  These weeks of him getting me less than 10 points is getting old.  I should not face the question of Boldin or Seattle’s Mike Williams on a weekly basis when setting my roster.  Oh, and Carolina will start a QB they just signed last week.  Awesome.

Our pick:  Baltimore Ravens


Bills at Bengals (-5)

Guh, a matchup of the two teams that have consistently screwed me with the spread and have me seriously considering just picking straight up next season.  The Bengals are on a monumental slide and regaining their 90’s and 00’s form.  Buffalo FINALLY got over the hump with a win last week.  The Bengals defense has been a huge disappointment and could be a good matchup for the upstart Ryan Fitzpatrick and Fred Jackson.  F*** it, I’m going Buffalo.  Which is probably what Chan Gailey said to his wife before accepting the head coaching job.

Our pick:  Buffalo Bills


Lions at Cowboys (-6.5)

Everyone seems to be picking Dallas here with their suicide pool pick, that can’t be good for the Cowboys.  How long can a Jason Garrett high last?  I say five days.

Our pick:  Detroit Lions


Cardinals at Chiefs (-9)

Kansas City is another team looking for sweet, sweet revenge and will take it out on Arizona.  Really wish I hadn’t already used KC in the KSK Suicide Pool.  Todd Haley is goin’ scalping.

Our pick:  Kansas City Chiefs


Raiders at Steelers (-9)

The Raiders have been one of the surprises of the season as they have looked more competent than they have in years.  This week they come to Earth.  I like Pittsburgh to win, but not by the 9 points they’re getting in Vegas.

Our pick:  Oakland Raiders


Browns at Jaguars (-1)

Finally we get to my Cleveland Browns, the team no one wants to face right now.  My man-crush on Peyton Hillis and Colt McCoy is reaching unhealthy levels.  After beating New Orleans and New England by a wide margin and losing to the Jets in the 74th minute, I cannot understand why Jacksonville is getting a point, even if they are at home.  Finally the Browns will face a defense that provides some breathing room.

Our pick:  Cleveland Browns


Texans at Jets (-7)

Mark Sanchez is really starting to click with his receivers in the passing game.  Santonio Holmes is finding his spots and that’s providing running room underneath for LDT and company.  The punch in the gut that was the Jacksonville hail mary took the wind out of the Texans and the hangover will last through Sunday.  Oh, bursa sacs are back in the news as Matt Schaub was briefly hospitalized this week due his bursa sacs rupturing.  I always thought it was a carry-all bag that hippies used.  Who knew?!

Our pick:  New York Jets


Packers (-3) at Vikings

The Fire Chilly movement takes a drastic step forward as the Packers will come into Minnesota and roll on the Vikings.  Once fired, Childress can go back to his true calling, being type cast as a pedophile in Lifetime movies.  (Spoiler Alert:  If a man has a beard in a Lifetime movie, he will beat, rape, or kill you.)

Our pick:  Green Bay Packers


Buccaneers at 49ers (-3)

As much as I like Troy Smith and what he does for that offense, I can’t take the Niners against the Bucs here.  The Buccaneers have been playing great football on both sides of the ball and San Fran will take too many stupid penalties to have a shot.

Our pick:  Tampa Bay Buccaneers


Seahawks at Saints (-12)

I wouldn’t blame Pete Carroll if the Seahawks accidentally missed the team flight to Louisiana and gave themselves another bye week.  I can’t see this one being close.  New Orleans is fighting for supremacy in their division.  Seattle is fighting for a top 10 draft pick.

Our pick:  New Orleans Saints


Falcons (-3) at Rams

Due to lack of other options, Atlanta is my suicide pick this week in the KSK Suicide Pool.  They are playing like an elite team and can take Steven Jackson out of the offense.  Matt Ryan and Roddy White have been as good a QB/WR duo as any this year.  I’m surprised it’s only a 3 point spread.

Our pick:  Atlanta Falcons


Colts at Patriots (-3)

I understand why the Pats are favored, given the game is in Foxboro.  Hell, I’ll even pick them to cover in hopes of seeing the Peyton Manning face.  I question if Manning can continue to make chicken soup out of his chicken sh*t practice squad every week.

Our pick:  New England Patriots


Giants at Eagles (-3)

Philadelphia had a HUGE divisional win last week.  New York had an abysmal game against Dallas.  I see the division regaining order this week.  The Giants front seven is more athletic and talented that Washington’s.  For my money, that gives the G-Men the edge.

Our pick:  New York Giants


Monday , Nov. 22

Broncos at Chargers (-10)

Norv Turner on the big stage?  A 10 point spread?  This can’t end well.

Our pick:  Denver Broncos


ROTU Record:

Week 10:  4-10-0

Overall:  68-70-6

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