Week 8: Old Timey Picks

We’re back for the OLD TIMEY SPOTLIGHT GAMES FOR WEEK 8!

Broncos at 49ers (no line)

Up first, we take a Boeing Model 204 across the pond to London’s Wembley Stadium for the Broncos and 49ers.  Sending these two teams overseas seems more like a war crime than a way to get new fans.  The Queen’s people will be treated to new Niners starter Troy Smith versus Broncos’ bean shooter Kyle Orton.  We’ll take the Broncos to win and the queen’s subjects to lose just by attending this ish kabibble.  Ain’t that a darb?!

Our pick:  Denver Broncos

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Next up, Vikings at Patriots (-5).  The big question of the day is whether the gunsel Brett Favre will start his one millionth game on a fractured ankle and show himself to be a true sheet and scratch man.  The Patriots pass defense hasn’t been berries and Favre likes to fling it around.  However, we see the Pats bringing the goods and Brad Childress’s late game off-time jive to cost the Vikes the game.

Our pick:  New England Patriots

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Next, the Steelers travel to New Orleans (no line) on Sunday as former crumb Big Ben continues his comeback tour.  The Saints are coming off a drubbing at the hands of the Browns while Pittsburgh is looking like the bee’s knees of the NFL.  No one may be home, but Ben’s been anything but a Milquetoast since returning under center.  New Orleans will cast a kitten after losing this one and owning a two game home losing streak.

Our pick:  Pittsburgh Steelers

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Finally, on Monday Eve, the Texans travel to Indianapolis (-5.5).  Indy will seek revenge for an early season sinker in Houston but will have to overcome losing Dallas Fucking Clark for the year.  We see Peyton Manning raining pitchforks on a Houston’s pass defense that has more holes than the plot of a W.C. Fields film.  Indy brings a sockdollager to the rest of the AFC South with a win here.

Our pick:  Indianapolis Colts

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THE REST OF THE SLATE…

Bills at Chiefs (-7.5)

Buffalo is coming off Ryan Fitzpatricks’s 400+ yard throwgasm and OT loss to Baltimore.  They face another supposedly stout defense at Arrowhead.  The Chiefs have one of the top running games in the league and the Bills are the NYC Marathon of the NFL, everyone can run.

Our pick:  Kansas City Chiefs

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Redskins at Lions (-2.5)

MeAngelo Hall picked off Jay Cutler four times last week and gets (fresh off the IR) Matt Stafford in week 8.  Tough matchup for Stafford, playing for the first time since week 1.

Our pick:  Washington Redskins

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Jaguars at Cowboys (-7)

Romo is out for at least 6 weeks, putting the spotlight on John Kitna to right the Cowboys ship.  Unless you’re in bible study, don’t look to Kitna for salvation.  Jacksonville gets  David Garrard back, which almost sounds like a punishment.  I like the Cowboys but not by the 7 points they’re getting.

Our pick:  Jacksonville Jaguars

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Packers at Jets (-6)

If the Jets’ secondary neutralizes the Packers’ passing game (entirely possible), this one won’t be close.  Rodgers protection still has issues and Rex Ryan loves to attack the quarterback.  Oh, and Green Bay has no running game.

Our pick:  New York Jets

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Dolphins at Bengals (-2)

Miami has been the sneaky-good team of the first half of the season, losing by a point to Pittsburgh last week.  This Bengals team has all the direction of a woman driver.  Hooray misogyny!

Our pick:  Miami Dolphins

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Panthers at Rams (-3)

Carolina beat San Francisco last week for their first win of the season, which is sort of like winning the Special Olympics.  Sam Bradford and (my guy!) James Laurinaitis will take it to the lesser Panthers.

Our pick:  St. Louis Rams

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Titans at Chargers (-3.5)

Somehow the Chargers are the top rated (statistically speaking) offense AND defense in the league.  The Norv Turner Effect doesn’t factor into this.  Tennessee is playing at a very high level on both sides of the ball.  San Diego just doesn’t pass the eyeball test for me.

Our pick:  Tennessee Titans

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Seahawks at Raiders (-2.5)

Oakland is coming off a huge win against Denver where they put up 59.  Not saying it’ll be a repeat performance this week, but I do see them putting up at least 3 points more than the Seahawks.  Speaking of Seattle, how many more good weeks out of Mike Williams until Matt Millen carves his name in a wooden ceiling beam and hangs himself?  Not soon enough.

Our pick:  Oakland Raiders

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Buccaneers at Cardinals (-3)

The Cardinals are favored?  Against an NFL team?  Haha, like I’m picking against a pirate on Halloween weekend.

Our pick:  Tampa Bay Buccaneers

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“Our picks have been horsefeathers, says you?  So’s your old man!”

REDKiX record

Week 7:  6-8-0

Overall:  48-51-5

Episode 54 of House of Punte podcast feature these very Old Timey picks as voiced by Phil Raintree (of Whiskey and Car Keys).  [Link coming]

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