Week 7: Old Timey Picks

We’re back with the Week 7 Old Timey Spotlight Games!

First up, 49ers (-3) at Panthers

Ah applesauce!  Mike Singletary has been beating his gums all season, but have his boys gotten their earful?  Whatever team wins the turnover battle will win the game.  I’d expect to see more turnovers than points for both teams.  Another Carolina loss would be a real shot in the classified ads for big cheese John Fox but San Fran’s defense will give the 49ers the bulge in this one.

Our pick:  San Francisco 49ers

Next, Bills at Ravens (-13) 

Everything has been Jake in Baltimore while Buffalo has become the genuine crumb of the National Football League.  Chan Gailey will need the meat wagon to get QB Ryan Fitzpatrick off the field alive and their defense is giving it up like a quiff in a struggle bunny.  If you still have Baltimore available in your suicide pool, this is as close to a gimme as you will find.   Ravens will win by a landslide.

Our pick:  Baltimore Ravens

Third, we have Vikings at Packers (-2.5)

Three years after Brett Favre had the rind to give Green Bay the high-hat, much will be made about another return to Lambeau Field.  However, the Vikings will overcome Favre’s late game attempts to gum up the works and will win a close one over the Packers.  Clay Matthews is a real grunt-and-groaner but Green Bay’s defense just won’t have answers to that hard boiled egg, Adrian Peterson.

Our pick:  Minnesota Vikings

Finally, Patriots at Chargers (-2.5)

We don’t know from nothin’ who will become the top target for that ethel, Tom Brady, after Randy Moss proved to be a locker room jelly bean and was given the bum’s rush.  But we expect Brady to hit on all sixes facing a Chargers defense that has been K Balled together.  San Diego is still trying to get tenderfoot Ryan Mathews involved in the offense and hasn’t met a big game it hasn’t found a way to futz away.  New England wins through the air.

Our pick:  New England Patriots
The rest of the slate…

Sunday, Oct. 24

Rams at Buccaneers (-3)

This is as close as we’re going to get this week to a couple of puppies fighting.  Neither team is any good.  Tampa’s defense is just a little better.

Our pick:  Tampa Bay Buccaneers


Steelers (-3) at Dolphins

This one could be a lot closer than many expect, but we see the Steelers D to force Chad Henne into one too many mistakes.  James Harrison will decapitate Ricky Williams, sit at midfield, and cry.

Our pick:  Pittsburgh Steelers


Bengals at Falcons (-3.5)

Falcons beat the Browns, Browns beat the Bengals.  Carson Palmer is the elephant in the Cincinnati locker room.

Our pick:  Atlanta Falcons


Redskins at Bears (-3)

We like the Bears defense more than we like McNabb’s offense.  And isn’t Donovan due for a season ending injury?

Our pick:  Chicago Bears


Browns at Saints (-13)

This one will be wrapped up by halftime.  The Saints have struggled but will have a coming out party.  Not that kind of coming out party, Tim Tebow.  On a side note, I don’t want to live in a world where being 6 feet or 6′ 1″ is considered abnormally short.  Colt McCoy and Drew Brees fall into that category.

Our pick:  New Orleans Saints


Jaguars at Chiefs (-4.5)

KC uses the home field advantage and keeps their surprising season rolling along.  Todd Haley will continue to screw everyone in Fantasy Football but keeping Jamaal Charles and Thomas Jones under 100 yards, and give the ball to Mike Vrabel in the red zone.

Our pick:  Kansas City Chiefs


Eagles at Titans (-3)

The Titans defense will dismantle the Eagles offensive line.  Enjoy your last start, Kevin Kolb.  Oh, and Philly, enjoy Jerome Harrison.  He’ll really produce for you when you’re out of the playoff race and facing defenses only giving 40% effort.

Our pick:  Tennessee Titans


Cardinals at Seahawks (-5.5)

Seattle has a strong home crowd and the defense can keep Beanie Wells in check.  It will come down to Matt Hasselbeck versus Max Hall.  Wow, that’s like choosing between a turd and an older turd.

Our pick:  Seattle Seahawks


Raiders at Broncos (-8)

Broncos have too many weapons and the Raiders only have one cornerback able to stop anyone.  Orton’s deal with the devil extends one more week.

Our pick:  Denver Broncos


Monday, Oct. 25

Giants at Cowboys (-3)

Dallas can’t lose a Monday Night game at home, can they?  Probably.  Jerry Jones will weep in his Olympic sized hot tub as the Cowboys slide to 1-6.

Our pick:  New York Giants


“Join us next week for more Old Timey NFL Picks.  Mind your p’s and q’s and you’ll be fit as a fiddle.  And that’s no phonus balonus!”

REDKiX record

Week 6: 8-4-2

Overall: 42-43-5

Episode 53 of House of Punte podcast feature these very Old Timey picks as voiced by Phil Raintree (of Whiskey and Car Keys).  Listen here!

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